There are many great offenders to the fashion industry: Sears, Boston, the men’s section of Hollister, yet these all seem harmless compared to the invention that tarnished my faith in humanity: Ugg boots. When these shoes first came out, they started off as your average article of unfashionable clothing; boring, simple, unattractive, and worn because they were comfortable. They started off in browns and blacks, and while ugly, they were not anything to be worried about. The Ugg boots experienced a steep climb into fashion due to their high prices, preventing many people from being able to buy them. Here’s what I’m talking about:
Seem familiar? That is because almost every single teen, preteen, child, and toddler has or recently had a pair. It would be bad enough if a few people had these, as it was in the beginning, but now everywhere I go I see pairs upon pairs of these. There are so many things wrong with them. Allow me to list a few: they make you look like you have hooves instead of feet, they magically make your ankles disappear, and instead create the optical illusion of halving fat calves. In addition to distorting the shape of your feet, they widen and lengthen the foot, making your feet seem disproportionately large. This effect is seen especially on the masses of skinny girls who wear these with tights. And let me tell you, it does not look normal for a 14 year old girl to appear to have the feet of a 40 year old man.
Worse than their immediate looks is the effect they have on outfits as a whole. No matter how expensive or fashion-forward your clothes and accessories are, Uggs will undoubtedly cheapen and casualize your look. This is the exact same effect that occurs when people try to wear cute outfits with running shoes or crocs; the footwear can be the fatal flaw that leads to the downfall of the outfit.
As Ugg boots got progressively more and more mainstream, they decided to create some variation. I am all in support of spicing things up and creating unique items, but they did something entirely different. They crossed into tacky territory, and with this new dosage (or triple dosage) of tackiness a whole new level of hideous was ushered in. They discovered neon paint, yarn, bedazzlers, and scissors and wreaked havoc on their product. These boots were more expensive than the first, yet people continued to buy them and label them as fashionable. Here are some of the worst offenders:
I do not know why this seemed like a good idea, to create or buy them, but it continued to happen. This variation did not make them more acceptable, or fashionable, or interesting. All it did was make them more loudly offensive to the eye; they could not longer be ignored in a crowd. I do not know if this was an attempt to make the Ugg boot seem more fashionable and/or dressy, but it failed miserably. In fact, these new designs had the opposite effect, making them seem even more casual and unattractive. After all of this reconstruction, they still did not tackle the biggest issue of the Ugg boot: the horrendous, unflattering form and shape of the boot itself.
And then this winter, Ugg finally out ugglied itself:
Women 13 to 60 have been sporting Uggs like these. These are so awful I don’t even have the words to describe them. All I can say is that I find it amazing how people can buy shoes like these. When it comes to fashion, it is baffling how shoppers can be blinded by a brand name. Or maybe it’s just the sequins.
So before you get sucked into this sea of faux fur and rhinestones, consider the impact it has on your fashion identity as a whole. There are so many different types of winter boots out there, I have no doubt that you will be able to find something affordable, fashionable, and unique.
To all who use comfort as justification for these monstrosities, remember what pure comfort looks like:
-Jacob
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